Sunday, 13 November 2016


I feel I should make people who work in the fields of charity, and advertising aware that, in my fifty three years on this planet, I have never seen a newspaper, or television advert that has prompted me to donate to a cause.

Feel free to continue to swamp my existence with these sob stories, although I'd rather you didn't but you should know, I'm not the only person who feels this way.
Having said that, I assume the sob stories work on enough people to continue to finance your industries.

Those people should be aware that many of these issues were issues before I was born, and will remain issues long after I'm gone.

This suggests to me, that this kind of advertising, doesn't solve any issues but does manage to continue to finance begging, charity advertising.

Friday, 4 November 2016


Britain preach endlessly about democracy.
They have destroyed the very structure of countries, all in the name of democracy.
They look down their noses at countries that aren't ruled by a leader who was elected democratically.

I'm not attacking, nor defending the outcome of the vote.
My problem is with the way commentators are being so condescending about the majority of people who took part in the democratic vote.

If you voted to leave Europe, you're a racist, you were mislead by Politician's lies, or you're just plain stupid.

I've never seen the outcome of a vote analysed in such a fashion.
I have however, previously seen Politician's lie, and make promises that weren't kept, for the purposes of winning an election.
In those circumstances, the Politician's were rightly critcised but I don't recall the intelligence of voters ever being judged for believing the lies and promises.

Saturday, 16 July 2016


Why do people who vape, puff out so much fucking smoke/steam/vapour?
It's so excessive!
Nobody who smoked used to take down that much smoke.
If they tried, they'd be choking like a muthafucker!
Blowing out huge steams of vapour is like gulping down loads of lemonade and pretending it's vodka!
Calm yourselves down. Nobody is impressed! Take a little suck and blow it out!
Alternatively, try smoking a cigar the same way, and I promise to be impressed.

Tuesday, 12 July 2016


Every Antiperspirant company makes an 'Invisible' product.
Why aren't all antiperspirants invisible?
Who's going into the stores and saying, ' No, no, not that one. Give me the one that covers me in a layer of powder, and stains my clothes'?
Can't they make all of their antiperspirants invisible, and just change the scents?
Moan, moan, moan,,,

Carpe Diem Meaning

I always thought Carpe Diem meant Fish of the day

Sunday, 26 June 2016

Profundities of life

In a moment of uncharacteristic confidence, I recall telling a woman that I wasn't like any other man she'd met, or will ever meet. To clarify, I meant it as a good thing. The confidence must have worked like some kind of Jedi mind trick. because she agreed with me! Truth be told, we're all unique. Two people may be similar but there will always be something that sets one individual aside from another. The thing we all need to do is embrace the differences. Whatever thing you hate about yourself, there will be somebody who's attracted to that thing. If you're a bald man, be aware that there are men and women who aren't attracted to bald men. There's nothing you can do about that, unless you can afford a hair transplant. So move on. There are plenty of women and men who like bald men. An attraction can be based on something as basic as the colour of your eyes. Learn how to accept what you have. Somebody, somewhere will like some of it. You may even be fortunate enough to meet somebody who likes all of it.

Tuesday, 2 February 2016


How do you make an old lady shout, 'Fuck!' Get another old lady to shout, 'Bingo!'

Language (Again?!)

This evening I'd like to express my hatred for a habit that a lot of politicians have and a number of sport pundits. This habit is probably highlighted because I often listen to talk radio. I believe they call themselves Speech Radio now days. I'm afraid they can fuck right off, because Speech Radio isn't as catchy as Talk Radio. Unusually, I digress... Anyway... the habit to which I refer is the starting of sentences with the word, 'Listen', or even worse, 'Look'. I just find it incredibly rude. If you start your sentence with the word listen, it implies that I'm either not listening, or you're about to tell me something of huge importance. Admittedly, if you're a politician, there's a very good chance that I'm not listening. Possibly distracted by the ever increasing size of your nose, with each word you utter. Let's face it, you're not about to tell me something of huge importance. You're a politician! If you start your sentence with the word look, you're a cunt! I don't believe I need to expand on that. Most politicians are guilty of using both. Some arrogant sportsmen, ex-sportsmen, radio presenters, and journalists are equally guilty. One of the worst offenders is a Daily Mirror journalist, John Cross. This man is so full of his own self importance that his usage of these words can be used to play a great drinking game. A pint for every 'Listen'. A short for every 'Look'. I find myself begging his co-presenters to PLEASE look at him! Rant over.