Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Jesus! Really?

Several years ago, I was dating a woman, who although not religious, did claim to be 'spiritual'.
The reason that this information came to light, was her objection to my excessive use of the name, "Jesus".
She found it upsetting that I kept using her good Lord's name in vain.
It did cross my mind that when I said "Jesus", I could mumble a few other words and then finish with, "Amen".
However, I'd already disclosed that I was an atheist, so couldn't bluff my way out of it by pretending to pray!
It doesn't happen often but when somebody points out that you do something that they find annoying, or objectionable, it really highlights how often you do it.
I have to hold my hands up to excessive use of the name but once it was pointed out to me, whenever I did say, "Jesus" it was like a game show buzzer going off in my head!
Just in case the subconscious buzzer wasn't enough, this was backed up with a sideways look of disgust from a woman who I was trying to impress!
Even I became annoyed at how often I said it!
However, the problem was solved when the relationship failed to get passed three or four dates.
At which point, I decided, who cares how often I said it?

The reason this has come to mind now, is that another ex (can you see a pattern developing here?) has blamed me for her excessive use of, "really?"!
Apparently, I often use the word "really", as a question, in a non-question manner!

For instance;
Friend, "I know this person who keeps saying Jesus"
Me, "Really?"

I'm told that after spending time with me, my ex has adopted my habit and has had it brought to her attention.
I did have to wonder if my ex had become acquainted with my 'spiritual' ex!
"Jesus!" It "really" would be a small World, wouldn't it?!

I wasn't aware that I had this habit but now that it's been pointed out to me, my subconscious game show buzzer is making unwanted, regular appearances!

I did try to bluff my way out of it, by suggesting that maybe I got this annoying habit from her.
This was working for about five seconds, before it was thrown back at me.

Anyway, to cut a long story... (yeah, I know, too late!) As I'm no longer in touch with the 'Spiritual' ex, I've decided that instead of saying, "really", I'm going to try and replace it with "Jesus"!

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Karma (sorry about the motherfuckers)

I've come to the conclusion that karma is just something that people hope exists, when they can't get revenge, or don't want to admit that they want revenge.
If somebody does something to you, your initial response is never to just let it slide, safe in the knowledge that 'someday' that nasty individual will be tracked down by their own negative behaviour and forced to suffer their actions, ten fold, in the name of "KARMA".
No, no, no!

If you're really angry (and really honest), your initial response is, "Die motherfucker, die!!!"
Then, once you've calmed down a bit, you want them to suffer. If you can't inflict that suffering yourself, you'll appease yourself with the delusion that one day something bad will happen to them, and that will be because they were nasty to you twenty years earlier.

Unfortunately, I don't believe in karma. So once I reach the level of, "Die motherfucker, die!!!", I'm still thinking that, twenty years later!
Do you know how many motherfuckers I want to die after nearly fifty years on this earth?

There's a very unhelpful man who works in the ticket office of my local train station. I haven't had to speak to him for at least ten years but I'm still waiting for that empty train to derail and go flying through that ticket office window! I'm sure that when it does, he'll be safe in the back office, making a personal phone call.

If we're honest with ourselves, we all know somebody who has always been a complete and utter arsehole. They will always be a complete and utter arsehole and they've lived a very happy life. Where's their karma?

Of course, if you wait long enough, something negative will happen to everybody. Even if it's death, at a ripe old age. Which is when you can guarantee that somebody, somewhere, will be whispering, 'He had it coming'.

I ask you, if karma existed, would Piers Morgan have a successful television career?