Homage to Jerry

I found a spider in my bath this morning.
I'm sure we've all experienced this at some point.
If you believe the stats that get thrown around, we all have about three hundred spiders crawling in and out of our mouths while we sleep.
The fact that I've found spiders trapped in baths a handful of times in my life makes me think that the spiders that do get trapped, aren't the spider equivalent of Mensa members.

"Hey, you hear what happened to Jerry?"
"No, what's he done now?"
"He got trapped in a bath!"
"I guess it was just a matter of time! Was it one of those that eventually gets a cloth hung over the side so he could escape?"
"No, he's dead!"
"Ouch!"
"Hey, it's a jungle out there"
"Only if you're too stupid to look where you're going. I'll never understand how these idiots manage to die like that. We've got the silk hanging out of our ass! What do they think it's for?"

So basically, if you find a spider in a bath remember, it's probably the spider equivalent of somebody who thinks it's a good idea to retrieve their trapped toast from a toaster, using a fork!

Flying Frigging Ants

Wrote this a few weeks back and just realised that I didn't publish it!
How could I deprive the World of this?!

When I was a kid, we used to get what we called, 'Flying Ant Day'.
I don't know if this is something that is experienced in other countries but it was basically one day every year when swarms of winged ants would take flight and aggravate the fuck out of everybody.
I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that these flying ants are around ten times the size of 'normal' ants.

The reason I bring this up is because today was at least, the second flying ant day of the year.
I can only assume that the changing weather has affected the amount of times that these creatures decide to show themselves.

These poxy ants really don't deserve wings because they don't seem to be able to use them properly. They dive bomb into you as if they can't fucking see you!

I had the pleasure of riding home from work, on my bike this evening.
Forty minutes of these wanky creatures banging off of my head had me cursing all the way.
It's an experience being forced to keep my mouth shut and stopping occasionally to remove ants from my eyes!

What is the deal with this day!?
The only positive thing that I remember about flying ant day was that they made quite an audible pop when you trod on them.

Oh well, we're all Gods creatures!

People

I was riding my bicycle home this evening, when a young couple, without looking, stepped into the road, pushing their baby in a buggy in front of them.
I couldn't help thinking to myself, 'That's exactly how you two had that baby in the first place!'
If I'd crashed into that buggy and killed their baby, it still wouldn't be as big an accident as the two of them conceiving in the first place!

Olympics

Part of me admires the blind following of National flags during the Olympics.
It's admirable that people who generally have no interest in sport, get so enthusiastic about somebody they'd previously never heard of, winning.
However, it always seems strange to me that the competitor could spend the rest of their career in obscurity!

There's a similar experience with Wimbledon. Millions of people develop an incredible interest in tennis for a fortnight. They'll know the names and results of tennis players who they've never heard of. Yet as soon as that one particular tournament is over, they instantly lose interest.
With the Olympics, it's based purely around nationality.

I have a Facebook account that has pages and pages of minute by minute updates of every minutiae of the Games.
Unfortunately, I'm completely unpatriotic. Therefore, I'm unable to feign interest in something that doesn't interest me, in the name of Britain.
It never ceases to amaze me how Brits can be so interested in rowing, yachting, cycling, shooting and any other event that there's a slight chance that somebody who's born in the same country, has a chance of winning.
Who honestly gives a fuck who wins a shooting competition?! Apparently, all of Britain, if that winner is British!

I realise that it makes me sound like a miserable bastard but I really don't want to know somebody's opinion on a sport, unless they can name the top five players, or even a result prior to the Olympics in that particular sport.

Moan, moan, moan...

London

Saturday morning in London, and the Sun is out! (Generally, I am guilty overusing exclamation marks but on this occasion, it's completely justified.)
The weather this Summer has been outrageous. I've never experienced the level of rainfall that we've been blessed with.
The Olympic torch begins it's journey across London today.
Marking the start of approximately a month of chaos.
Good old London is inconveniencing the everyday lives of residents for the benefit of visitors from all over the World, who are here to watch sport.
Londoners are experiencing pay freezes and pay cuts, booming inflation and record unemployment.
People are actually refused surgery and drugs because we're told that there isn't enough  money.
Yet, there seems to be unlimited amounts of money available for a sports competition!
We live in a city where many, mainly elderly people face the decision to either 'heat or eat' in the Winter. They actually make the decision to either spend their money on eating something, or use that money to heat their home. They're forced to make that decision, while the lifetime of tax that they've paid, goes toward providing the 'Great' Britain football team £1000.00 a night hotel rooms!
Who looks at these kind of figures and decides that despite the fact that adequate accommodation has been provided on the Olympic site, it's more important to provide luxury accommodation for some sportsmen, than it is to provide life saving medicines for cancer suffers?

Back to shallow

I think I'll stay away from the personal blogs.

I'm generally quite shallow (lol. Shallow Gawl) and should probably keep things on here the same way.

My poem was written quite a while ago and isn't something that I'm experiencing right now.

Although, I think by publishing it, I've given the impression that it's an emotion that I'm currently going through.

I do have quite a lot of personal stuff going on right now but we all know that it's always best to bury  emotions and get on with life.

I've got a couple of days off of work and am enjoying the lack of structure that my day has had so far.

I tend to spend my leave days catching up with friends but I didn't arrange anything this time around.

This is short and sweet I'm afraid. Nothing worthwhile to write.

So, I'll love ya and leave you.

Till next time...

Random thoughts

I intended to write some random thoughts but it ended up being a critique of TV shows.
Thus displaying the true depth of my shallow mind.

I will say that both Leverage and Burn Notice, are on the brink of being brilliant but seem to blow it all away by trying to be too cool. LOL.
I just couldn't help myself!

Having watched England predictably build themselves up, before the usual, huge let down, in the European Cup, it's interesting to watch more British people doing exactly the same thing whilst watching Andy Murray at Wimbledon. When will this country learn?

Modern Family is far and away, the best comedy show currently on TV. Pure genius!

I'm dismayed at the popularity of stand-up comedy. Don't get me wrong, good stand-up deserves all the praise it gets. To stand up on a stage and make people laugh, really is a gift.
However, how are people like Andy Parsons and Russell Howard even making a living, never mind selling out huge arenas?!
It seems that if you've appeared on a comedy panel show, thousands of people will pay good money to watch you be unfunny.
I missed my opportunity to use a few stand-up clichés there.
Have you ever noticed how...
What is it about people...
Is it me, or do people...
Maybe I'm too fussy. If other people enjoy this stuff, maybe I'm the problem.
The trouble is, I've seen Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Jerry Seinfeld, Ricky Gervais, Jimmy Carr, Frankie Boyle, Denis Leary, Robert Schimmel, to name too many.

So endeth my random thoughts for today